Update

I have made so much more progress in dealing with my anxiety than I could have hoped for. I even went to a concert recently and felt ok being in the crowd. Even though it comes back and sneaks up on me, I always feel in control of my body and my emotions. I have successfully avoided all panic attacks this month and my last 3 exams went smoothly, no shaky hands or hard of breathing!

I've made some changes that I think have contributed to my success. I don't eat fast food anymore, candy, and have completely stopped drinking caffeine, I also stopped taking my birth control. For a while I was afraid that I would break out in cystic acne like how I used to before I got on the pill, but I have also steered clear of any breakouts which I am really happy about, JUST GOTTA STAY CLEAR FROM THOSE BABIES NA MEAN???

My school semester is a load of work but I am not letting it get to me and I have even found new effective ways of studying that I will continue to use. I am not doing particularly fantastic but I am doing okay and that's really making me a happier, healthier person.

I'm Back, Which Means I Have a Problem

I have anxiety. At first I thought I was just sick, I would just randomly get short of breath, throat closing up, body feeling weak, which would lead to me feel nervous and nauseous. I thought maybe I had asthma because my little brother has it but eventually it just clicked.

Like many people it’s hard to think of mental illness as a ‘real’ illness, it’s all in my mind so why can’t I just get over it? Well, I’m not sure why but I really want to find out how to control it and eventually eliminate it from my life. It is the most uncomfortable I’ve felt and I absolutely hate it, I hate that I can’t control it. It’s getting to the point where I just randomly feel overwhelmed and physically sick.

It doesn’t help that I am stressed with my work environment, trying to keep my job in order to pay my college tuition and other bills. I can’t seem to get away from all the negative people in my life; I’m struggling trying to be happy. Yet at the same time, I am afraid of change and of the outcomes.

August is the last month I have for relaxation and I want to enjoy it. I know it will be difficult but I want what I deserve, peace of mind. I am publishing this as a promise to myself that I will eliminate all the things that make me unhappy from my life and speak up when things upset me.