Update

I have made so much more progress in dealing with my anxiety than I could have hoped for. I even went to a concert recently and felt ok being in the crowd. Even though it comes back and sneaks up on me, I always feel in control of my body and my emotions. I have successfully avoided all panic attacks this month and my last 3 exams went smoothly, no shaky hands or hard of breathing!

I've made some changes that I think have contributed to my success. I don't eat fast food anymore, candy, and have completely stopped drinking caffeine, I also stopped taking my birth control. For a while I was afraid that I would break out in cystic acne like how I used to before I got on the pill, but I have also steered clear of any breakouts which I am really happy about, JUST GOTTA STAY CLEAR FROM THOSE BABIES NA MEAN???

My school semester is a load of work but I am not letting it get to me and I have even found new effective ways of studying that I will continue to use. I am not doing particularly fantastic but I am doing okay and that's really making me a happier, healthier person.

I'm Back, Which Means I Have a Problem

I have anxiety. At first I thought I was just sick, I would just randomly get short of breath, throat closing up, body feeling weak, which would lead to me feel nervous and nauseous. I thought maybe I had asthma because my little brother has it but eventually it just clicked.

Like many people it’s hard to think of mental illness as a ‘real’ illness, it’s all in my mind so why can’t I just get over it? Well, I’m not sure why but I really want to find out how to control it and eventually eliminate it from my life. It is the most uncomfortable I’ve felt and I absolutely hate it, I hate that I can’t control it. It’s getting to the point where I just randomly feel overwhelmed and physically sick.

It doesn’t help that I am stressed with my work environment, trying to keep my job in order to pay my college tuition and other bills. I can’t seem to get away from all the negative people in my life; I’m struggling trying to be happy. Yet at the same time, I am afraid of change and of the outcomes.

August is the last month I have for relaxation and I want to enjoy it. I know it will be difficult but I want what I deserve, peace of mind. I am publishing this as a promise to myself that I will eliminate all the things that make me unhappy from my life and speak up when things upset me.

Things that Don't Matter

This past weekend I got a hair cut I really hated, and I thought that money could fix it. Well I was wrong and I spent about 100 dollars on extensions I definitely will not be using, so yeah I'm selling those...

I have been putting my hair into a pony tail, a half pony tail or pinning front strands to the back. What really sucked was I was going to be around a shit ton of people at a festival. Anyways I went and my hair really didn't matter.

What did matter was that I saw Outkast live, who where absolutely amazing, the best live performance I had ever witnessed in my life, they played every song I could have ever dreamed of! I honestly felt blessed to be in their presence. I saw Kanye West as well, which was really cool he put on a great show even though Kim Kardashian didn't come out to say hi.

Hello

I'm not on here as often as I had first planned when starting this blog. I'm going to take this as positive news, I usually write all the negativity going on in my life on here and I have been having such a good time as of late. I have been going places and seeing things I don't usually see, my settings are mostly leading me to great places. I saw Louis C.K. for god sakes and I'm going to see Outkast this month!!!

I am planning on going away as soon as possible once the holidays are over, I'm excited as to where, I haven't decided what city to visit but It could be anywhere because with the company I'm having with me makes any place the best place to be.

Little Trip

I recently went to Los Angeles to see the Arctic Monkeys live and here are some photos I have to share. It was over all a really fun trip, I went to cool places and was treated really well from the people I was joined with and their family.

 

I'm going to see the Arctic Monkeys live!!!

I recently just opened a new bank account after canceling with my previous bank because I kept having problems. I even applied for my first credit card which I really hope I get approved for, but I have a feeling I won't. August is almost coming up which means I will be going back to school and I'm really nervous but very confident in myself this time around. I am also finally seeing the Arctic Monkeys live and I am beyond fucking excited!!! The show is in LA and I'll be joined by an old mate from high school whom I haven't seen since then, it'll be fun hanging out with just girls which I honestly don't do often, I mean just hanging out in general doesn't happen for me much. I really want to go to Lemonade and also get the chance to eat a sushi burrito while I'm out there.

Okay but honestly just fan girling here, I'm going to see THE Arctic Monkeys live!!!!! Oh my god!!!! I don't even think I was this excited to see The Killers and I've been waiting years to see them play live. I don't even have a specific song I would like to hear from them because I know it'll probably be the best concert I've ever been to, aghhhh wow I just can't believe I'm going.