What is Cool?

Being female I deal with a lot of self esteem issues and I often shame myself (in some sort of way) for the way I look. It's unfortunate that sometimes I would even prefer to look a certain way than exceed in something much more complex. 

Luckily, I don't engulf myself with bullshit like this all of the time, but it’s upsetting to see that I would even think that way. Appearance is so important that my thought processes aren’t even important to some people. Like most I grew up believing that its what’s on the inside that counts but as I grew older that became less and less important. In grade school (middle school and up) the most exciting thing about starting a new school year was 'back to school shopping'; I decided who I was going to be and how I was going to be portrayed by others all in the way I looked. I never gave a shit about what I was going to learn (its mandatory anyways), or what my goals were. Eventually I did, my future had always been very important to me and I wanted to be successful, but why did it ever slip my mind?

I'm not saying that we shouldn't care about what we look like, because for a lot of people it makes them happy. But what I am saying is that image has become much more important than it should be. It stops me from interacting with others; it stops me from doing what I want and my confidence! Which affects the way I think, the way I feel, literally the way I approach everything in life. People deserve to be heard before they are judged but it’s not that way, it's fucked up and honestly old.