I'm Back, Which Means I Have a Problem

I have anxiety. At first I thought I was just sick, I would just randomly get short of breath, throat closing up, body feeling weak, which would lead to me feel nervous and nauseous. I thought maybe I had asthma because my little brother has it but eventually it just clicked.

Like many people it’s hard to think of mental illness as a ‘real’ illness, it’s all in my mind so why can’t I just get over it? Well, I’m not sure why but I really want to find out how to control it and eventually eliminate it from my life. It is the most uncomfortable I’ve felt and I absolutely hate it, I hate that I can’t control it. It’s getting to the point where I just randomly feel overwhelmed and physically sick.

It doesn’t help that I am stressed with my work environment, trying to keep my job in order to pay my college tuition and other bills. I can’t seem to get away from all the negative people in my life; I’m struggling trying to be happy. Yet at the same time, I am afraid of change and of the outcomes.

August is the last month I have for relaxation and I want to enjoy it. I know it will be difficult but I want what I deserve, peace of mind. I am publishing this as a promise to myself that I will eliminate all the things that make me unhappy from my life and speak up when things upset me.

Things that Don't Matter

This past weekend I got a hair cut I really hated, and I thought that money could fix it. Well I was wrong and I spent about 100 dollars on extensions I definitely will not be using, so yeah I'm selling those...

I have been putting my hair into a pony tail, a half pony tail or pinning front strands to the back. What really sucked was I was going to be around a shit ton of people at a festival. Anyways I went and my hair really didn't matter.

What did matter was that I saw Outkast live, who where absolutely amazing, the best live performance I had ever witnessed in my life, they played every song I could have ever dreamed of! I honestly felt blessed to be in their presence. I saw Kanye West as well, which was really cool he put on a great show even though Kim Kardashian didn't come out to say hi.

Hello

I'm not on here as often as I had first planned when starting this blog. I'm going to take this as positive news, I usually write all the negativity going on in my life on here and I have been having such a good time as of late. I have been going places and seeing things I don't usually see, my settings are mostly leading me to great places. I saw Louis C.K. for god sakes and I'm going to see Outkast this month!!!

I am planning on going away as soon as possible once the holidays are over, I'm excited as to where, I haven't decided what city to visit but It could be anywhere because with the company I'm having with me makes any place the best place to be.

Little Trip

I recently went to Los Angeles to see the Arctic Monkeys live and here are some photos I have to share. It was over all a really fun trip, I went to cool places and was treated really well from the people I was joined with and their family.

 

I'm going to see the Arctic Monkeys live!!!

I recently just opened a new bank account after canceling with my previous bank because I kept having problems. I even applied for my first credit card which I really hope I get approved for, but I have a feeling I won't. August is almost coming up which means I will be going back to school and I'm really nervous but very confident in myself this time around. I am also finally seeing the Arctic Monkeys live and I am beyond fucking excited!!! The show is in LA and I'll be joined by an old mate from high school whom I haven't seen since then, it'll be fun hanging out with just girls which I honestly don't do often, I mean just hanging out in general doesn't happen for me much. I really want to go to Lemonade and also get the chance to eat a sushi burrito while I'm out there.

Okay but honestly just fan girling here, I'm going to see THE Arctic Monkeys live!!!!! Oh my god!!!! I don't even think I was this excited to see The Killers and I've been waiting years to see them play live. I don't even have a specific song I would like to hear from them because I know it'll probably be the best concert I've ever been to, aghhhh wow I just can't believe I'm going. 

Trinessa: Acne Update (part 2)

Alright I’m getting straight to the point, TriNessa is definitely working. In fact it is the only thing helping my acne because I am using the exact same products before I turned to birth control.

My acne has completely diminished on my left cheek and I have two cystic pimples on my right cheek but I am confident in saying that after these two pass I will have smooth skin. This doesn’t mean that my skin looks awesome or anything because I have some scarring to fix, mostly discoloration. I will post photos of before and after once I feel that I've got most of my scarring under control. 

I have gained weight but hasn't reached an unknown territory. However I have been taking precautions and stopped drinking soda -this is the only sacrifice I’ve made so far…

Also, my curiosity in makeup has grown and I definitely want to invest in some good make up, ooo its so exciting!!! 

What is Cool?

Being female I deal with a lot of self esteem issues and I often shame myself (in some sort of way) for the way I look. It's unfortunate that sometimes I would even prefer to look a certain way than exceed in something much more complex. 

Luckily, I don't engulf myself with bullshit like this all of the time, but it’s upsetting to see that I would even think that way. Appearance is so important that my thought processes aren’t even important to some people. Like most I grew up believing that its what’s on the inside that counts but as I grew older that became less and less important. In grade school (middle school and up) the most exciting thing about starting a new school year was 'back to school shopping'; I decided who I was going to be and how I was going to be portrayed by others all in the way I looked. I never gave a shit about what I was going to learn (its mandatory anyways), or what my goals were. Eventually I did, my future had always been very important to me and I wanted to be successful, but why did it ever slip my mind?

I'm not saying that we shouldn't care about what we look like, because for a lot of people it makes them happy. But what I am saying is that image has become much more important than it should be. It stops me from interacting with others; it stops me from doing what I want and my confidence! Which affects the way I think, the way I feel, literally the way I approach everything in life. People deserve to be heard before they are judged but it’s not that way, it's fucked up and honestly old.