Things that Don't Matter

This past weekend I got a hair cut I really hated, and I thought that money could fix it. Well I was wrong and I spent about 100 dollars on extensions I definitely will not be using, so yeah I'm selling those...

I have been putting my hair into a pony tail, a half pony tail or pinning front strands to the back. What really sucked was I was going to be around a shit ton of people at a festival. Anyways I went and my hair really didn't matter.

What did matter was that I saw Outkast live, who where absolutely amazing, the best live performance I had ever witnessed in my life, they played every song I could have ever dreamed of! I honestly felt blessed to be in their presence. I saw Kanye West as well, which was really cool he put on a great show even though Kim Kardashian didn't come out to say hi.

Hello

I'm not on here as often as I had first planned when starting this blog. I'm going to take this as positive news, I usually write all the negativity going on in my life on here and I have been having such a good time as of late. I have been going places and seeing things I don't usually see, my settings are mostly leading me to great places. I saw Louis C.K. for god sakes and I'm going to see Outkast this month!!!

I am planning on going away as soon as possible once the holidays are over, I'm excited as to where, I haven't decided what city to visit but It could be anywhere because with the company I'm having with me makes any place the best place to be.

Little Trip

I recently went to Los Angeles to see the Arctic Monkeys live and here are some photos I have to share. It was over all a really fun trip, I went to cool places and was treated really well from the people I was joined with and their family.

 

I'm going to see the Arctic Monkeys live!!!

I recently just opened a new bank account after canceling with my previous bank because I kept having problems. I even applied for my first credit card which I really hope I get approved for, but I have a feeling I won't. August is almost coming up which means I will be going back to school and I'm really nervous but very confident in myself this time around. I am also finally seeing the Arctic Monkeys live and I am beyond fucking excited!!! The show is in LA and I'll be joined by an old mate from high school whom I haven't seen since then, it'll be fun hanging out with just girls which I honestly don't do often, I mean just hanging out in general doesn't happen for me much. I really want to go to Lemonade and also get the chance to eat a sushi burrito while I'm out there.

Okay but honestly just fan girling here, I'm going to see THE Arctic Monkeys live!!!!! Oh my god!!!! I don't even think I was this excited to see The Killers and I've been waiting years to see them play live. I don't even have a specific song I would like to hear from them because I know it'll probably be the best concert I've ever been to, aghhhh wow I just can't believe I'm going. 

Trinessa: Acne Update (part 2)

Alright I’m getting straight to the point, TriNessa is definitely working. In fact it is the only thing helping my acne because I am using the exact same products before I turned to birth control.

My acne has completely diminished on my left cheek and I have two cystic pimples on my right cheek but I am confident in saying that after these two pass I will have smooth skin. This doesn’t mean that my skin looks awesome or anything because I have some scarring to fix, mostly discoloration. I will post photos of before and after once I feel that I've got most of my scarring under control. 

I have gained weight but hasn't reached an unknown territory. However I have been taking precautions and stopped drinking soda -this is the only sacrifice I’ve made so far…

Also, my curiosity in makeup has grown and I definitely want to invest in some good make up, ooo its so exciting!!! 

What is Cool?

Being female I deal with a lot of self esteem issues and I often shame myself (in some sort of way) for the way I look. It's unfortunate that sometimes I would even prefer to look a certain way than exceed in something much more complex. 

Luckily, I don't engulf myself with bullshit like this all of the time, but it’s upsetting to see that I would even think that way. Appearance is so important that my thought processes aren’t even important to some people. Like most I grew up believing that its what’s on the inside that counts but as I grew older that became less and less important. In grade school (middle school and up) the most exciting thing about starting a new school year was 'back to school shopping'; I decided who I was going to be and how I was going to be portrayed by others all in the way I looked. I never gave a shit about what I was going to learn (its mandatory anyways), or what my goals were. Eventually I did, my future had always been very important to me and I wanted to be successful, but why did it ever slip my mind?

I'm not saying that we shouldn't care about what we look like, because for a lot of people it makes them happy. But what I am saying is that image has become much more important than it should be. It stops me from interacting with others; it stops me from doing what I want and my confidence! Which affects the way I think, the way I feel, literally the way I approach everything in life. People deserve to be heard before they are judged but it’s not that way, it's fucked up and honestly old.

Birthdays

I am 21 now, this happened June 25th and I'm very glad it finally happened for more than obvious reasons. I have had a really hard time being who I am at 20 years old, I felt exceptionally unlucky. 

As 20 went along, a lot of unfortunate things kept happening to me that have never happened before. It confused me and I questioned what I was doing and where I was going (I still do). Everything was sort of falling apart, my grades were going down and my dog was slowly dying; I didn't notice how upset I was until It began to show on my skin. When things finally just fucked up, It made me hate everything.

Now that I've been out of school and seeing some improvement on my skin it's helped reassure myself that I'm okay and that failing is okay. I know that I am practically the same as I was just a few months ago but it's always comforting having some sort of starting line.

How Do I Put This?

I was never good with words, which is the reason why I never pursued writing, but I still want nothing more than to be effective in when I speak or write. Effective in the way, that when I decide to explain my thought processes, others can understand my arguments.

With things that mean the most to me I want to be non biased so that those who disagree with my ideas can still hear me out. I personally believe it takes a lot in a human, a species who tends to be selfish and stubborn (this does not omit me from that), to take the time in explaining themselves and at the same time be considerate of others.

There are great writers and speakers that address issues with so much grace and poise. I envy that because I can get so mean and unfair.

Acne Update

I can't tell you how badly I want to post photos of my acne but I already have such bad experiences not wearing any makeup in public that I'd rather not show my face on the internet.

Also, I believe I missed some days of taking my birth control because I started my period today and I still have 3 pills left in my pack. I do notice I break out a little bit more on my period because I got new pimples in the beginning of the week; I always have pimples but I don't really get multiple new ones popping up at the same time. Anyways, I still am showing signs of improvement from when I first started my birth control two months ago.

I had very flaky skin around each cystic pimple on my face, and now that I have been exfoliating once or twice a week, the flakes are pretty much gone. Also as I noticed as my pimples began fading I had really dark black heads in my cheek area, which are now slowly diminishing.


...Currently in the market for an SPF and a different moisturizer.

My apologies for the random circuits of writing, It sounds a little displaced...

A Review: Trinessa (birth control)

It has officially been my first month on birth control! I wanted to write a review because I was so afraid of actually trying Trinessa since all the reviews I could find were negative.

My reasoning for deciding to go on birth control and choosing this particular one was to help treat my acne. Very quickly I wanted to mention that I grew up with clear skin; It wasn't until I turned 20 years old that I rapidly broke out in cystic acne. It is the worst and by far the hardest issue I've ever experienced with my body. The most stressful part about having problematic skin is that I felt like nothing would work, I tried chemical peels, natural approaches, expensive face washes and my skin would only get worse. I cried, yall don't know the struggle like this shit is no fucking joke, It was embarrassing and painful, and also, fuck you.

I finally gave in to trying a birth control that would help me and would also be affordable. I didn't want to go on Trinessa because of everyone complaining that it broke them out, they lost hair, they were depressed/suicidal, extreme causes nausea, weight gain and even low sex drive??? lol. Basically nothing good, but I decided to take a chance and I am so glad I did. I have had little to no negative side affects from Trinessa and it has been so amazing for my skin, inflammation has significantly gone down and my acne has improved so much I haven't seen it this clear in months! Only thing is that my period lasted 5 days instead of my usual 3 days, my eyes have been dry/red and i'm tired a lot but it could be from working? I'm unfortunately not comfortable enough to post photos of before and after but I hope that this post helps.

Effectiveness: 4/5 (only because my skin isn't completely clear lol)
Ease of Use: 4/5 (only because I am forgetful, and I don't take it on time all the time)
Satisfaction: 5/5

Selfish

I think that having a boyfriend can be very troubling at times because you literally don't want to do anything else but be with them all the time. I know that this is a normal feeling but I really don't want to do anything. I don't want to go to work and I especially don't want to go to school. I want to stay in bed with my boyfriend and do nothing. I wish things like these were possible, I don't want to deal with societal things. Thinking about doing boring things like studying years for a boring job makes me want to cry.

Stuck

I haven't got anything important to update you, or for personal reasons, anything to reference back to. I'm pretty much stuck right now, I'm not moving forward, and I have no goals. School is fucking boring as hell and has sadly become routine for me. I did however manage to receive another email from the Honors Society and I'm finally going to join, just to make myself feel better. Now is definitely the time to finally read that play my friend lent me an entire year ago and listen to some new albums.

Been back tracking to 2006 and have been listening to Carnavas by Silversun Pickups, what a god damn good album. I would listen to this album nonstop my freshman year of high school, my sister actually owned the physical cd, haha who buys albums anymore huh? Lazy Eye is sort of just a classic.

Here are my favorite songs:

Well Thought Out Twinkles
Checkered Floor
Little Lovers So Polite
Dream Tempo 119

Line Play

My friend got me to download this cute lil app, and I have been having so much fun decorating my house! What do you think?

Its a work in progress but its getting there. I'm low on money so decorating is tough; Everything is so expensive that I'm actually considering buying 'gems' with real life money to get some more stuff, dumb and pointless I know... ;~;

So Lazy

I am becoming more and more lazy, I have no idea how to get myself out of this slump, It's been well over a year now and I am just not passionate about any life long goals.

I have however been making sure I enjoy the way I'm spending my time and company. My life is so chill right now cause I just don't give a shit about anything, at all, no virtues man, none.

Cool

I got promoted to a key holder at my job, I am so excited!!!! I definitely feel like I was ready for the responsibility and I'm so glad It happened here at Lush.

I'm Sorry, This is A Long Post

I’ve really been thinking about my future as of lately, it has to be the main source as to why I’m stressed out 98.7 percent of the time. Back in high school I took the general courses everyone else did, Math, English, History etc. but had an emphasis in medical studies (enticing way to disguise the word ‘nursing’). It was definitely an experience spending clinical hours at a nursing home but I knew it wasn’t what I wanted to do… help people directly, in person. 

Initially I thought I went into this technical high school because I wanted to become some sort of plastic surgeon and live my life like Nip/Tuck or Dr. 90210 (I’m not kidding). Then after a while I thought I decided to stay because it would be a good foundation for my future, in which I would acquire lots of money. Now I’m here, remembering this life lesson one of my teachers told my sophomore year class, it went along the lines of “don’t be in the medical field unless you sincerely and truly care about the welfare of others, don’t do it for the money because its not about the money”.  Being 15 at the time all I thought of was money; it’s even what my parents had taught me, MONEEEEYYYYYY.

Fast forward to where I am now, majoring in biology for no apparent reason other than it was an obvious path for me, I am completely miserable. Let me tell you that It is not because I don’t like biology, I don’t think I’ve given it a chance yet, Its that there’s a big chance that I’m not going to love it. My parents had good intentions keeping my mindset on reaching a lifestyle but now I’m stuck as to how to get there, happily. 

Growing up, every time a teacher told me ‘do what you love, and the money will follow’ I knew it was a lie, but now I’m not sure I care as much. I actually want nothing more than to love my profession. The path I’m taking now doesn’t make any sense as to what I believed in before because biologists don’t make shit, unless of course I decide to become a doctor, which I know will not happen. I can only hope that I will fall in love with something along the way because I never had the chance to figure it out before. I have a few interests but none I feel that I could aspire to become

Aggghhhhhh

I've been trying to update my blog, this one, and it is so difficult! All the templates this website offers suck and none of the 'gadgets' are working when I put them in

Anyways, I think I've done enough for today, Just going to listen to Beyonce's album, Its so good ;~; 

Too Chill

Feeling really great so far, just been sleeping, eating, watching movies, listening to music, and taking restroom breaks between it all. I haven't been to work since Thursday and don't go back until next Thursday on the 9th.